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haveanicedayO-Oh I lost my writeup for this memory haha. I'M CLEARLY IN DENIAL
☑ Killing the townspeople. "I'm sorry, Kanan. The hand that you said you liked is drenched in blood."
Source: Saiyuki v4ch19: "Misty," pages 2-3 and 5-6.
Highlights:
- He was a teacher (possibly for small children?)
- He lived with Kanan. She liked his hands
- She was an orphan too
- Kanan was sacrificed for the sake of other people
- He killed *everyone* who was there. Also, how he did it
- What it's like for him to get really angry
I'm going to try to go back and make sense of what's happened in the last two weeks or so! And cry.
* On Kanan: He really wants to remember her. That's what he wants the most right now. He wants to know what she was like, what he was like when he was with her, what it felt like to be with his important person.
* His distrust for other people (and for himself- I'll elaborate soon) hasn't improved at all after this. If anything, it's worse. Whatever progress there had been after his "We share it with everyone" memory was blocked in its more general applications. He still has more respect for Sanzo and fondness for Goku and Gojyo than he did before, but he sees that memory as something that was meaningful only for himself. So he hasn't looked for the others to tell them (Gojyo asked him, but he didn't tell him in detail).
* On fighting.
Because of his memory, he started thinking about fighting in a different light. With this memory, he remembered killing, and knowing it was all for nothing in retrospect. And he remembered feeling like killing everyone because of what they did to Kanan. And doing it. So he started thinking it might not be a good idea for him to learn fighting skills after all... He hasn't remembered ANYTHING related to using his fighting skills for anything other than killing people selfishly, so he thinks maybe he shouldn't go there at all; remembering that incident without remembering the person for whom he did it overwhelmed him in different ways, and he's not sure he should allow himself to be able to do that again. But if not fighting, what else could he do in a situation like Three's game?
- When Yuki fainted, he drew a blank because I locked his health knowledge and stuff as a skill, so he couldn't do anything at all. Excel woke her up with water and Hakkai couldn't stop wondering, what if that had been worse than doing nothing?
- Naoya's accident in the wave room at Dream's game also shook him up. He couldn't do anything again.
So he decided that he would try to learn enough to be a good backup, someone able to react in cases of emergency, treat wounds, etcetera. That way, he might be useful in games like that as well, at least as long as he doesn't remember anything that allows him to trust himself some more. He took that First Aid lesson, and then he decided to continue studying on his own. So he's going to be studying... from books. He got his first health-related book from Ace in exchange for an answer he didn't want to give (but he thought it was only fair to get something that would allow him to help others by admitting to his own weakness). And he's also been exercising every day in order to be able to react more quickly, physically.
* Sapphire.
- Spider game: Hakkai had been doing the three legged race quest thing with Gojyo all day long before that game. He actually had a good time and felt like he understood them both a bit more after getting to know him better and enjoying his company. And then Sapphire won! That made him relax a bit more xD. So when he got back to Sapphire's cabin, he said "more than he had to" (...) when speaking to Parker and Yuki, and he instantly regretted it because of their reactions (indifference and prying respectively).
- Memory: He didn't take it in the cabin because he didn't feel comfortable enough after what I just mentioned, and because of the kind of memories they seemed to have been given. Excel started yelling, Parker stormed off and Yuki fainted- Hakkai was afraid he might react in a violent way and it might affect his teammates and give away too much about himself, so looked for a quiet place to take it outside. Things didn't go as he feared, thankfully, but it still wasn't nice. He will probably try to take his memories on his own in the future, unless Sapphire's dynamics have a drastic change, or *he* does.
- Dream Game: Ahh. XD;. He didn't like it. He didn't like having to make blind choices, and he didn't like that his team didn't seem to take danger seriously. He could only think that Parker and Naoya hadn't been to a really bad game before, but even so, he couldn't condone neglecting to search for the third key because Parker said she was bored. Still, he figured he couldn't impose his views on the others; he doesn't think they have the sort of relationship where he can do things like that, and he doesn't remember how to deal with this kind of situation either. So, since he doesn't care that much for his own well-being, and the rest of the team all agreed to do it that way, he figured they should be able to deal with getting hurt if something bad happened to them. However, Naoya wasn't responsible for what happened with the stingray in any way, that was Dream's fault in his eyes. So, no. He doesn't like Dream, and he didn't like his game.
- tl;dr, he's being nice and helpful to Mau, Naoya and Excel; he's not very happy with Parker atm but he's just being distant, so she might not notice; he's not going to be anything but superficial with Yuki anytime soon.
☑ Killing the townspeople. "I'm sorry, Kanan. The hand that you said you liked is drenched in blood."
Source: Saiyuki v4ch19: "Misty," pages 2-3 and 5-6.
Highlights:
- He was a teacher (possibly for small children?)
- He lived with Kanan. She liked his hands
- She was an orphan too
- Kanan was sacrificed for the sake of other people
- He killed *everyone* who was there. Also, how he did it
- What it's like for him to get really angry
I'm going to try to go back and make sense of what's happened in the last two weeks or so! And cry.
* On Kanan: He really wants to remember her. That's what he wants the most right now. He wants to know what she was like, what he was like when he was with her, what it felt like to be with his important person.
* His distrust for other people (and for himself- I'll elaborate soon) hasn't improved at all after this. If anything, it's worse. Whatever progress there had been after his "We share it with everyone" memory was blocked in its more general applications. He still has more respect for Sanzo and fondness for Goku and Gojyo than he did before, but he sees that memory as something that was meaningful only for himself. So he hasn't looked for the others to tell them (Gojyo asked him, but he didn't tell him in detail).
* On fighting.
Because of his memory, he started thinking about fighting in a different light. With this memory, he remembered killing, and knowing it was all for nothing in retrospect. And he remembered feeling like killing everyone because of what they did to Kanan. And doing it. So he started thinking it might not be a good idea for him to learn fighting skills after all... He hasn't remembered ANYTHING related to using his fighting skills for anything other than killing people selfishly, so he thinks maybe he shouldn't go there at all; remembering that incident without remembering the person for whom he did it overwhelmed him in different ways, and he's not sure he should allow himself to be able to do that again. But if not fighting, what else could he do in a situation like Three's game?
- When Yuki fainted, he drew a blank because I locked his health knowledge and stuff as a skill, so he couldn't do anything at all. Excel woke her up with water and Hakkai couldn't stop wondering, what if that had been worse than doing nothing?
- Naoya's accident in the wave room at Dream's game also shook him up. He couldn't do anything again.
So he decided that he would try to learn enough to be a good backup, someone able to react in cases of emergency, treat wounds, etcetera. That way, he might be useful in games like that as well, at least as long as he doesn't remember anything that allows him to trust himself some more. He took that First Aid lesson, and then he decided to continue studying on his own. So he's going to be studying... from books. He got his first health-related book from Ace in exchange for an answer he didn't want to give (but he thought it was only fair to get something that would allow him to help others by admitting to his own weakness). And he's also been exercising every day in order to be able to react more quickly, physically.
* Sapphire.
- Spider game: Hakkai had been doing the three legged race quest thing with Gojyo all day long before that game. He actually had a good time and felt like he understood them both a bit more after getting to know him better and enjoying his company. And then Sapphire won! That made him relax a bit more xD. So when he got back to Sapphire's cabin, he said "more than he had to" (...) when speaking to Parker and Yuki, and he instantly regretted it because of their reactions (indifference and prying respectively).
- Memory: He didn't take it in the cabin because he didn't feel comfortable enough after what I just mentioned, and because of the kind of memories they seemed to have been given. Excel started yelling, Parker stormed off and Yuki fainted- Hakkai was afraid he might react in a violent way and it might affect his teammates and give away too much about himself, so looked for a quiet place to take it outside. Things didn't go as he feared, thankfully, but it still wasn't nice. He will probably try to take his memories on his own in the future, unless Sapphire's dynamics have a drastic change, or *he* does.
- Dream Game: Ahh. XD;. He didn't like it. He didn't like having to make blind choices, and he didn't like that his team didn't seem to take danger seriously. He could only think that Parker and Naoya hadn't been to a really bad game before, but even so, he couldn't condone neglecting to search for the third key because Parker said she was bored. Still, he figured he couldn't impose his views on the others; he doesn't think they have the sort of relationship where he can do things like that, and he doesn't remember how to deal with this kind of situation either. So, since he doesn't care that much for his own well-being, and the rest of the team all agreed to do it that way, he figured they should be able to deal with getting hurt if something bad happened to them. However, Naoya wasn't responsible for what happened with the stingray in any way, that was Dream's fault in his eyes. So, no. He doesn't like Dream, and he didn't like his game.
- tl;dr, he's being nice and helpful to Mau, Naoya and Excel; he's not very happy with Parker atm but he's just being distant, so she might not notice; he's not going to be anything but superficial with Yuki anytime soon.
